Empyrean Engine

My weight is down today from yesterday, but it's way up from my lowest point. I don't like it. I want it to drop again. The problem is that I have decided to try eating instead of fasting for 5 days a week to see if I can kick my weight loss back into high gear. I don't know how long I will continue with this pattern, but what I hope to see is my weight stop going up, and start heading down again while I'm eating. My weight loss slowed a bit too much for my liking, and that's why I'm trying this. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  340.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I love that I get to be near my husband while we work. We are together nearly every day, and nearly every hour of every days. We are not tired of each other yet. But the awesome thing is that we get to work together doing the same job int he same office with nearly identical schedules. We have a one-day shift between our schedules; he works a day that...

I gained 3 lbs. I hate that I gained 3 lbs. I made the decision to change my eating regime and start eating when I feel hungry. I ate with my husband when we got home from work yesterday. We had taco salads. It was good, but I am now 3 lbs heavier than I was yesterday. This doesn't make me feel good. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  341  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I had about the same amount of actual salad that he had, but while he had an Italian Romaine blend of lettuce, I had a spring mix with baby spinach. I also drank almost my entire 7-cup bottle of water -- maybe 5 cups of it. I know that fiber retains water, so I'm hoping that when I eliminate the salad as waste, I will lose this 3 lbs and then some. We shall see and only time will tell. I feel good, though. I feel better than I have in several days. That's telling. Have I been severely dehydrated, maybe? I don't know. Have I been missing out ...

Down a pound. That's more like it! It's still not the lowest number I've seen, but I'll get back there. I have no doubt about that. I love that I can confidently say that. Before I knew the cause for my obesity, I would wonder if I'd ever lose a pound, and if I had, I would doubt I'd ever lose another before gaining 10. This is refreshing. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  339  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I have been reading more and more of Dr. Fung's book,  The Obesity Code . I thought I had heard all he had to say on the topic from the YouTube videos and his IDM (Intensive Dietary Management) website, but no. There is a plethora of details in this book that I haven't yet heard. For example, I now know why artificial sweeteners kick me in the  tuchus . I also learned more about the "Dawn Phenomenon" which is a cause of higher blood glucose readings in the mornings -- or just after you wake up....

I have lost a little bit of weight from yesterday to today, but I'm still not too happy. I am about three pounds heavier than where I should be right now. I know it's because food inevitably causes weight gain, and breaking my fast two days a week will invariably make my weight bounce back a bit. While I have to accept it, I don't have to like it. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  339  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I was feeling a bit yuck from a combination of my fight with the porcelain fairy and the stress I've been under. I decided that eating would be a good idea today, so I had a salad with a nice, fat-infused Italian dressing I had made and some feta cheese and a few cherry tomatoes. It was really tasty. I also ate about an ounce or two of pork rinds. You'd be surprised at how many rinds are in a single ounce. They are a bit difficult to weight, though. I had quite a handful of them. Likely, it was two h...

I feel a bit better today over how I felt yesterday, but my weight has gone up fairly significantly. Or perhaps it's down from what my actual weight was yesterday. I don't know. I didn't weight myself yesterday. So I'm working with the weight from the day before last, and I was at my lowest at that point. I hold out hope that my weight will drop from here now that I'm back to fasting again. I'm not a new 120-hour fast. It's still a net loss for the month, so I'm winning. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  339.2  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs The meal I shared with my husband was low-carb meatballs with marinara and mozzarella. To go with it, I made a fairly simply salad with a keto-friendly Italian dressing that I made and a dusting of Parmesan cheese. We also found some keto-friendly cheese crisps to use as croutons, too. The meal was very good. I used a half-a-pound of ground beef to make 10 meat balls. ...

I forgot to weigh myself today. I was feeling really, really miserable. I had a huge fight with the porcelain fairy today. I won, but I'm much worse for wear. I feel a bit weakened and ill. I need some time to reset and recover. I did the laundry yesterday, and my husband was kind enough to do the grocery shopping for me, so at least that part is already done and out of the way. Now all I have to do it prepare food for the week. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight: 337.4 lbs   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I was a bit hungrier last night than I have been for a while. I'm not sure why that is. I'm sure it contributed to the rift between the porcelain fairy and me, though. My nighttime meal was pork rinds and cream cheese. It was really tasty. I was thinking that I should have had some greens with that. I might need a bit more fiber in my diet. The only trouble is that fiber is carbohydrates. Granted, they are the kind that don't really...

My weight has dropped by 1.2 lbs, but I have been feeling terrible. After eating I feel better for a while, but then I feel terrible again. By terrible I mean that I have that gross feeling still, and I have been feeling a bit weak. I'm also feeling really, really cold today. It's been a while since I have felt this cold. The bacon-wrapped chicken thigh and salad were delicious, though. I enjoyed every bite! Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  337.4  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I'm wondering again if I am dehydrated, but I'm not experiencing any other symptoms of dehydration. I'm thinking this is caused by a combination of stress and a need to visit the porcelain fairy. I have tried to trek to her cave, but she sends me away as I have no gifts. My husband brought our bowling paraphernalia out of hiding and offered to take me. Wouldn't you know it? I am the one that didn't feel up to it this time. Ugh! I was goi...

I don't want to work today, but I have to. My weight is up by 0.6 lbs from yesterday. That's okay. It's odd, though, because it's my last day of a 5-day fast, and I would think I'd lose more weight. I chalk it up to stress at work. It has been really hectic. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  338.6  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs It could also be that I need to visit the porcelain fairy. I haven't in a while. This could explain my general "gross" feeling. I may be a bit backed up. What I'm hoping is that I can get rid of the backup and drop a good amount by doing so. That happens quite often. We'll see. After this shift is over, I go home for my weekend. I will get to eat something. I am planning to make bacon-wrapped chicken thighs. They are tasty, but I'm really not feeling in the mood for food. I just don't want to eat. What should I do? The plan is to make myself just one thigh. I'...

I feel pretty "icky." It feels like heartburn or reflux. I get a feeling in the area of my stomach and esophagus that can be best described as "gross." I can't think of any better descriptor. On a light note, quite literally, the scale was very, very nice to me today. 338 lbs! Woo! Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  338  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I will be eating in a couple of days. I don't want to for a couple of reasons: (a) I don't want to gain any weight, and (b) I just don't feel hungry at all. I should eat, though, right? It's too soon to think about this. It's a couple of days away. My husband wondered why I feel the need to eat even if I'm not hungry, but I think I need to because I want to limit my fasting to seven days or fewer so that I don't really need to be under a doctors careful eye most of the time. From my highest weight of 425, I have officially lost 87 lbs as of ...

Woohoo! I am under 340 lbs today! I am at 339.6 lbs! Sure, it's just barely under, but under is under! This is a victory! I feel victorious! This makes me feel great, and I love seeing myself make progress. It's super exciting, and it's motivating. I'm losing slowing, just 3 lbs in total so far this month, but it's a net loss and not a gain. I'm good with that. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  339.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs My husband and I stopped at the Walmart yesterday because I had a whim to buy a sports bra that I saw the other day. He convinced me to get smaller sizes than what I would normally choose. The dressing rooms were not open at that time of morning. so I had to buy them on faith and try them on at home. They fit! They didn't all fit. I deliberately got one that was a bit smaller than the others. I have been wearing a bra size 44 DDD for some time, and the smallest sports bra I got wa...

I have finally seen 340 lbs on the scale. The scale showed me 340.6 lbs today. I'm above 340 lbs, but it's close enough. I'll take it!  I'm so close to seeing my number drop into the 330s, and that would be amazing. I'm also very close to getting to my next goal of 325 lbs, I can almost reach out and touch it! Then it's picture time! I haven't taken any pictures because I want to be surprised by any changes that may be evident when I get to 325 lbs. I can't wait. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  340.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I am at work with my husband, and he always make me feel so loved. When I stress out about things, he is there to rub my shoulders a bit as he walks by or just reach out to touch me to let me know he is thinking of me and there to support me. This is the most wonderful man, and I can't believe how lucky I was to meet him and get to spend my life with him. To hear me tell it, ...

Exactly 341 lbs today! I'm that much closer to 340 lbs... then 339 lbs... and eventually 325 lbs which is my next short-term goal. And tomorrow, the world! Heh. I'm back at work today. I started my current fast at 7:00 AM, and I ate a really delicious breakfast with my husband in the morning before we went to bed. I feel as though I ate a lot, but I still ended up losing a bit. It's almost like the ketogenic diet is a miracle. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  341  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs My breakfast consisted of three eggs scrambled in butter and garlic with about three tablespoons of diced ham and a quarter pound of ground beef. To that, I added about a half of a cup of shredded sharp cheddar cheese and about four tablespoons of sour cream. I made lettuce wraps with it. It was a great deal of food. I let my husband have a bit of what I couldn't eat at the end. He had a similar meal, but to that, we added...

Woo! 341.6 lbs today! That's is a serious victory! It's also a huge drop from what I weighed yesterday. I wanted to see 341 lbs on the scale, and I have seen it! Now I hope I can keep it there and drop it even more. Last night was my husband's and my shared night off from work. I had asked him whether he wanted to do anything -- such as bowling -- but he didn't really feel up to it. We didn't end up doing anything. I just played The Sims 4 on my Xbox One and relaxed as much as I could. He played one of his Assassin's Creed games. We like to simply exist together in the same room, and that's very comfortable and relaxing for the both of us. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  341.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I haven't yet reached 100 lbs of weight loss. Shows like My 600 Pound Life  and Fat Doctor  make it seem like the weight comes off so quickly, but I have to remember that I haven't had bariatric su...

I hate that I am not fully back down to my lowest, and I have to eat again already. My 120-hour fast has ended. I toyed with the idea of just continuing and extending my fast, but in the end, I went ahead and ate something. I made bacon cheeseburgers with avocado for me and my husband. I made him a salad to go with his two burgers, but I only made two burgers for myself. They were 1/3 lb of sirloin each. I could only eat one of them. I gave him the rest. They were so good, though. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  342.8  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I am up only 0.6 lbs from yesterday.  That's a bit of a victory. I'm pretty happy with such a low amount of weight gain after eating what I thought was a lot of food. I'm anxious to see what the scale shows tomorrow, though. Will I continue to gain? Will I plateau? Will it drop? Of course I am hoping for a drop in my weight rather than a gain. I am confi...

I'm down a bit more today, and I'm happy with it. I had a nice chat with the porcelain fairy. We came to an understanding. I was feeling a bit bloated and gross the past few days, but I feel much better now. I feel rather lighter as well. When the porcelain fairy and I don't speak for a while, I start to feel a bit heavy. I may not gain a lot of weight, but the general feeling I have is that I'm really heavy. It's hard to explain. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  342.2  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I have been getting really tense at work lately. I do a lot of typing for my entire eight-and-a-half-hour shift. I know that I don't have the best posture or sitting position, but in addition to that, while I am typing I start to tense up and raise my shoulders. They stay up and tense for a while. I start to ache, and it makes me realize what I'm doing, and I try my best to relax. Then it happens again. Today is my...

I'm down again in weight today from yesterday, but not by much. I wish it were more, but I have to keep reminding myself that any loss is a win, and a gain is not a loss. Dr. Nowzaradan of My 600 Pound Life feels that losing 15 to 20 lbs per month for someone my size is do-able and healthy. That's for someone who has had bypass surgery ,though, so my situation is much different. I still want to lose at that rate, but I'll have to work harder for it. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  343  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I recall that when I was at my heaviest -- around 425 lbs in my 20s -- I would have done anything to get on a TV show about weight loss and have surgery and be famous and all that. Looking back, though, I'm really glad I never had surgery for weight loss. It was never really an option anyhow, but at that point, I wasn't really ready for the commitment and sacrifice. Not only that, but the surgery wa...

🎶 Time keeps on drifting... into the future. 🎶 I have this song in my head for some reason. Today is Day 2 of the current 5-day fast, and I've dropped another pound. This is great! This is what I wanted to see. Now I want to see my weight drop below 342.6 lbs so I can net a loss for this current 30-day "month." I am now 5 days into this new month. I should have had a net loss already! I need to learn to be patient, though. It will happen. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  343.2  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I have asked my husband if we can go bowling on our mutual day off. We will see how he feels on that day, but he said we can. We have our own bowling balls, bags, and shoes. We used to go bowling a lot when my dad was alive. Dad loved bowling. He was wheelchair-bound, so we had to help him use a ramp for bowling, but he had fun aiming his ramp and seeing if he could get it just right to make a strike. ...

Stopped eating. Started losing. That's better. It's a pretty sharp downturn on the graph, too, and that's great. I'm back down 1.6 lbs from yesterday which is the same amount I had gained from the day before yesterday. I wonder if I'm going to create a pyramid and keep losing sharply like this. Only time will tell. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  344.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs My body is so weird. I thought I had started to really understand how it works, and then I get weight changes like this ,and I'm confused again. Maybe it's trying to keep me guessing. My husband thinks that this is definitely caused by stress. I think I have to agree. We expected that our house guest would come, but the key apparently didn't work in the lock. We didn't change the locks or anything, though. Maybe the guest will come tomorrow. We really don't know for sure. Not knowing is certainly a source of stress. At...

Up again. A lot this time. Not happy. I gained 1.6 pounds from yesterday to today. I just keep going over the things I ate to try to understand it. Today I start a new 120-hour fast. I hope that I lose the 3.6 lbs I gained over these two days I was eating and then some. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  346.2  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs The house guest is supposed to come back on Saturday while we are at work. I really am not looking forward to it. I have asked my husband to have a talk with the guest and make sure there is a clear end date for when the guest will be leaving. Last time we didn't have a clear end date, and the guest stayed for about six months. I know that this is going to be a daily struggle to maintain my focus on my diet. I can do it, though. I have been getting a lot of compliments at work lately because people are noticing a change. Clothes are fitting much better and some are even ...

Up another pound. I'm still not discouraged, though. I'm eating food with my husband as it is the weekend for me, but I still don't enjoy seeing my weight go up. Down is much more appealing! This is certainly something that goes without saying, though. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  344.6  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs My husband let me know that we are going to have  a house guest again. This is a real source of stress for me. I have asked him to monitor me to make sure I don't eat more due to stress, but I know that's asking a lot of him. He doesn't like to criticize me, and he doesn't like to deny me things that might make me happy. I have definitely been feeling the stress of expecting the house guest. That's for sure! I have been having angry flashes. They scare me, and I feel bad when I lash out at my husband. I try not to, but sometimes it just comes out. The situation that happened bef...

I ate today. My weight has gone up again. How far will it go? I gained an entire pound which is unexpected, but it's better than gaining 4 or 5 lbs in just a day. Hopefully it won't get much higher before it starts to go back down again. Today i ate the same salad that my husband ate. It was a steak salad. We still had some of that roast I made for him in the pressure cooker the day before last. It was good. Was it worth gaining a pound, though? Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  343.6  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I wish that I could build up my stamina a bit more than what it is. I'm okay through most of grocery shopping, but usually by the time we get out to the car, I need to sit down. A few times I have been ale to help my husband load the groceries into the trunk and then put the cart away in the cart return. I really want to start walking or bowling or doing something a bit more active to see if I ca...

It is officially three months since starting keto and fasting. While I have my starting weight as 401 lbs, my actual starting weight at the beginning was 386 lbs. I had started to lose weight before I began keto. This means that over the past 3 months, I lost a total of 42.6 lbs. That's not too bad, but I bet it could have been better if I didn't have that trouble that caused me to gain 10 lbs in mid-June. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  343.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I need to stop thinking about what could have or should have been. There's no way to change the past so it's an exercise in futility. My husband's blood glucose is repaired and in the normal range, but he isn't losing weight. I don't know why he isn't losing weight, though. He is sticking to the plan. He isn't eating too much. We have kept his Three months seems like such a long time, but it really isn't that long. It felt like a...

I am up a bit today over yesterday. I was expecting it as I have been trying to get more water into me to make sure I don't dehydrate myself. I hope I drop a bit again tomorrow, though. I still feel a bit icky. It's not quite as bad today as it was yesterday. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  344.2  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I have been watching more episodes of Fat Doctor  and My 600 Pound Life, and it makes me wonder whether I have a food addiction. I don't think that I do. Or I wonder whether I am emotionally connected to food. Again, I don't think I am, but I am not so sure. I hear the stories from these people, and some it sounds familiar. Then I see how they eat, how much they eat, what they choose to eat, and I'm, like, "oh, no. That's definitely not me. I don't relate." What I relate to is hiding to eat my food. I'll let my husband see me eat, but letting others see me eat makes me fee...

Two pounds down today! Woo! I wonder if I'm dehydrating myself, though. I need to be careful of that and make sure I'm not forgetting to take in enough water. I haven't been feeling too great. I don't know what it is or how best to describe it, though. I feel a bit "gross" in my stomach and chest. The only way I can really describe it is the feeling you might get from breathing in helium to get a squeaky voice or inhaling too much chlorine in the air at a water park. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  343.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I'm wondering whether I need some salt or electrolytes or something. I chose to consume some pickle juice and olives to see if I can make myself feel a bit better. I am also trying to force a bit more water into me as well. The scale is dropping, but I really don't feel like I'm getting any smaller. I don't know how that's even possible. Maybe I'm losing vis...

My weight loss has been a bit slow over the past couple of days, and I believe this is the bounce-back from the bout I had with the porcelain fairy a few days ago. I expected to gain, but I haven't. Instead, the weight loss has slowed. I lost point-two pounds one day to the next over the past two days. It's a loss, though. I'm going to happily accept that. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  345.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs While I think that I understand quite a bit more about how my body processed food and stores fat, I don't know all of it. No one does, really. Even Dr. Fung admits that he doesn't get how everything works, but he is the closest to the truth that I have found at this point. I was happy to see that Dr. Nowzaradan of My 600 Pound Life  is recommending that his patients eat generally a ketogenic diet to lose weight. That is a relief. I see some of those people eating low-quality, carb-f...