Empyrean Engine

As expected, I am only down by .4 lbs today. I overate a bit yesterday, and I ended the day with a total calorie count of 1,546. I made the Shrimp Paella I was planning, and I had a bit of it with my husband even though I wasn't really hungry. At that point I had already consumed my self-imposed daily calorie limit of 1,200 calories, so that brought me up to over 1,500 calories. Unwise. My husband loved the paella. I didn't. So it wasn't even worth it. I used white wine in the recipe, and I should've known I wouldn't like it. I don't like recipes that use wine. The other recipe I plan to make, the one for the beef Stroganoff, also calls for white wine. I will go ahead and make it, but I'm fairly certain I won't like it. I'll give it a chance, though, like I did with the paella. It's very likely that the ingredients make make a world of difference, and I could enjoy the Stroganoff. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  378.2  lbs  ⇩  Lo...

I have lost a lot in the past two days. In the past two days I have eaten at least 1,200 calories per day. This is about twice as much as on the prior days when my weight barely dropped at all. This is very interesting. On the 11th, I consumed 1,268 calories. On the 12th, 1,245 calories. From the 10th to the 11th, I went from 381.2 lbs to 379.8 lbs. That was a drop of 1.4 lbs. Then from the 11th to the 12th (now), I dropped by 1.2 lbs from 379.8 lbs to 378.6 lbs. I ate a total of 1,368 calories today, and I am very curious to see what I weigh tomorrow. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  378.6  lbs  ⇩  Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  359 lbs If this major whoosh down continues to happen, I may hit my initial goal of losing 20 lbs this month. I'm at 15.2 lbs loss so far, and I have 5 days to go in this 30-day period. If I can continue to drop one pound per day over the next 5 days, I will hit the mark. I'm realistic, though....

Yes! Finally! I got some real  weight loss. A major down-blip! I am at 379.8 lbs! That's an amazing 1.4 lbs down from yesterday. I'm not the least bit mad about it. The strange thing is that I seemed to have eaten more calories to lose some weight, and that's a bit counter-intuitive. So I find myself wondering if eating fewer than 1,000 total calories makes my body stop losing weight. While staying under 1,500 calories, and more along the lines of 1,200, I lost 1.4 lbs. What is even going on here? Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  379.8  lbs  ⇩  Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  359 lbs I read a few articles I just researched on the topic, and it seems that eating too few calories causes my body to go into that starvation mode that I wanted to avoid. By eating more, but still controlling my  intake so that I'm getting balanced nutrition, my weight loss should continue and happen just as fast as when I started....

Another .4 lbs lost today. Oh boy!  Now we're cookin' with gas. And if you couldn't tell, that says zero-point-four, not four. I'm sorry. I can't not  be sarcastic about this. It's clearly a plateau. And I will reiterate, bodies are dumb! Today I say 381.2 lbs. It's still down from yesterday, but it's not down enough! I'm greedy! I don't think I'm being unreasonable, though, because I am starving myself. I barely eat. This is not hyperbole. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe i should stop starving myself. Maybe my body wants to keep all the fat it can keep because I'm not eating enough, and it thinks it's about to die of starvation or something. I don't know. This is not fun, though. I need to make a change. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  381.2  lbs  ⇩  Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  359 lbs I had wanted to eat a couple of chicken wings today, but my husband asked me if they were a binge-trigger,...

I lost a whopping .2 lbs since yesterday! Wow! So amazing. Much loss! Very reduce! This is not sarcasm at all. It is, though. It's sarcasm. I can't fool you, can I? I'm disappointed. I feel like I starved myself. Including the two doses of ELOO, I consumed a mere 1,109 calories yesterday. Total. Without the ELOO (as it doesn't really count), I had only 539 "real food" calories. Why, then, am I at 381.6 lbs today down from 381.8 lbs yesterday? Ugh! Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  381.6  lbs  ⇩  Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  359 lbs Bodies are dumb! In truth, though, I really need to stop stressing about my scale. *sigh* I do have some treasures piling up for the porcelain fairy. Maybe once I unload those, I'll drop again. I can't complain too much. I am still headed ever downward. I was discussing this with my husband, and he agrees that I need to stop obsessing about this and just go with it. I am continuing...

I am at my lowest point today. The scale gave me 381.8 lbs, and I'm very happy with that. I think my food diary will ultimately help me consume less and lose more. I was very proud of the fact that I managed to stay under 500 "real" calories yesterday (402 in total). I did that without feeling the least bit deprived, too! Today I indulged in a bite of my husband's panini, and I ate a small cookie a friend offered me. Overall, it wasn't a huge indulgence. I'm very proud of myself. The cookie was a Hello Panda. How can anyone resist those? I didn't ask for a second, so that's a victory. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  381.8  lbs  ⇩  Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  359 lbs I hate that I had that bump in my graph, but I have only myself to blame for that. I can't wait until I reach my goal, and I don't have to worry about the weight-loss. Then I can stop counting calories, eat only when I feel hungry, and make healt...

Today is my dad's birthday. He would have been 69. I can't believe he has been gone 2 years already. I have my husband, but without my dad, it's been a very hollow two years. I love my husband, and I know he will understand how I feel; I don't mean to imply that he is inadequate in any way. He's just not my dad. Our relationship is not the same as the relationship I enjoyed with my dad. Dad would laugh at all my jokes -- even the un-funny ones. Dad would make "nummy" noises when he ate anything I cooked, even when I made mistakes, and it wasn't as good as I'd hoped. My dad always encouraged me every minute of every day. He's the one that made me have confidence in my mind and my talents when my body was betraying me. He loved me unconditionally, and I never felt otherwise. My dad used to say "I love you too much." It was our special thing. Dad had been an alcoholic since Vietnam, and he eventually developed neuropathy in both of...