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2017 OCT 8 -- Day 50

Today is my dad's birthday. He would have been 69. I can't believe he has been gone 2 years already. I have my husband, but without my dad, it's been a very hollow two years. I love my husband, and I know he will understand how I feel; I don't mean to imply that he is inadequate in any way. He's just not my dad. Our relationship is not the same as the relationship I enjoyed with my dad.

Dad would laugh at all my jokes -- even the un-funny ones. Dad would make "nummy" noises when he ate anything I cooked, even when I made mistakes, and it wasn't as good as I'd hoped. My dad always encouraged me every minute of every day. He's the one that made me have confidence in my mind and my talents when my body was betraying me. He loved me unconditionally, and I never felt otherwise. My dad used to say "I love you too much." It was our special thing.

Dad had been an alcoholic since Vietnam, and he eventually developed neuropathy in both of his legs, so had had a stroke and had been wheelchair-bound since 2008. That's the man my husband knew, but that wasn't the man I remember.  Dad had been wounded in combat and suffered the effects of Agent Orange poisoning, but he had been a strong and capable and brilliant man for as long as I could remember.

He was a master cabinet maker, and he was well-respected in his circles. He would regale us with stories of the work he had done in the homes of well-known celebrities, but he was always very humble about his hobnobbing; it never felt like bragging or name-dropping. He taught me a lot about making cabinets, and I was privileged to get to work with him on projects in my teens.

He survived the lung cancer that he was diagnosed with in the same year my mother passed -- 2009. He suffered a bit of dementia at the end, too. With all of these struggles, he was still the happiest man you would ever meet.  From my earliest memories until the day he passed, he made everyone smile, and he lit up a room. I have never met his equal, and I don't expect I ever will. I love you too much, Daddy.

Starting weight: 415 lbs
Current weight: 383 lbs ⇩ 
Long-term Goal: 145 lbs
Short-term Goal: 359 lbs

Even though my scale number has risen a bit from my lowest measurement -- 382.6 lbs -- these past two days, I know my dad would still be really proud of me for what I have accomplished so far. I don't think he'd mind that I'm not having any cake.

The great news is that I am down a bit from yesterday. I am at 383 lbs. My lowest point was 382.6 lbs, and I'm not far off from that... on my scale. My husband's scale lies! His scale is consistent, but it's consistently weighing us both about 5 lbs higher than my scale. Also, the scale at the pharmacy -- the kind you pay to use -- is 5 lbs lower than my scale, and that means it's 10 lbs lower than what my husband's shows. How is that even possible?

The image above is of the two of us on our wedding day -- May 10th, 2015.

My husband suggested that I should take the scales with me when I visit my doctor and compare what they say to what his shows for the most accurate reading. I am scared to do that, though. I don't want to be 5 lbs heavier than I think I am! LOL.

I am back on track with my eating, so my graph may wobble, but it should start to slide in a general downward direction again soon. As soon as I deliver my accumulated treasures to the porcelain fairy, I may drop dramatically -- like, 2 lbs or so. It might just get me back on target for the expected 18-lb loss this month. That's my hope.

To keep myself honest, I'm going to start recording a food diary at the bottom of my posts so you and I can see what I have eaten each day. I haven't been dishonest so far, but I don't want to accidentally forget when I've eaten something and then wonder why I didn't lose much or why I may have gained. This  practice will also help me stick to my diet. It should also help me notice trends. I want to know how different foods affect my weight.

Wobbly graph is wobbly graph:


My husband had his first dose of oil today. He shot all 4 Tbsp floated on some ice-cold water. He didn't have any trouble with it. I was aghast! It may take a couple of weeks (up to 6 weeks) for the AS to kick in. Until then, he will eat only when hungry and only enough to satisfy his hunger. This is really going to make cooking difficult as I will need to re-think all meal planning I used to do. If he starts eating 1/5 of what he was, like what I'm doing, we can cut out a large portion of our grocery budget and save a lot of cash! Wouldn't that be nice.

Hubby is at 237.4 lbs today. He's been as low as 230 lbs, but he generally hovers within a range of 235 lbs to 240 lbs. Let's see what SLD does for him.

Food Diary

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