Empyrean Engine

Woo! 341.6 lbs today! That's is a serious victory! It's also a huge drop from what I weighed yesterday. I wanted to see 341 lbs on the scale, and I have seen it! Now I hope I can keep it there and drop it even more. Last night was my husband's and my shared night off from work. I had asked him whether he wanted to do anything -- such as bowling -- but he didn't really feel up to it. We didn't end up doing anything. I just played The Sims 4 on my Xbox One and relaxed as much as I could. He played one of his Assassin's Creed games. We like to simply exist together in the same room, and that's very comfortable and relaxing for the both of us. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  341.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I haven't yet reached 100 lbs of weight loss. Shows like My 600 Pound Life  and Fat Doctor  make it seem like the weight comes off so quickly, but I have to remember that I haven't had bariatric su...

I hate that I am not fully back down to my lowest, and I have to eat again already. My 120-hour fast has ended. I toyed with the idea of just continuing and extending my fast, but in the end, I went ahead and ate something. I made bacon cheeseburgers with avocado for me and my husband. I made him a salad to go with his two burgers, but I only made two burgers for myself. They were 1/3 lb of sirloin each. I could only eat one of them. I gave him the rest. They were so good, though. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  342.8  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I am up only 0.6 lbs from yesterday.  That's a bit of a victory. I'm pretty happy with such a low amount of weight gain after eating what I thought was a lot of food. I'm anxious to see what the scale shows tomorrow, though. Will I continue to gain? Will I plateau? Will it drop? Of course I am hoping for a drop in my weight rather than a gain. I am confi...

I'm down a bit more today, and I'm happy with it. I had a nice chat with the porcelain fairy. We came to an understanding. I was feeling a bit bloated and gross the past few days, but I feel much better now. I feel rather lighter as well. When the porcelain fairy and I don't speak for a while, I start to feel a bit heavy. I may not gain a lot of weight, but the general feeling I have is that I'm really heavy. It's hard to explain. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  342.2  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I have been getting really tense at work lately. I do a lot of typing for my entire eight-and-a-half-hour shift. I know that I don't have the best posture or sitting position, but in addition to that, while I am typing I start to tense up and raise my shoulders. They stay up and tense for a while. I start to ache, and it makes me realize what I'm doing, and I try my best to relax. Then it happens again. Today is my...

I'm down again in weight today from yesterday, but not by much. I wish it were more, but I have to keep reminding myself that any loss is a win, and a gain is not a loss. Dr. Nowzaradan of My 600 Pound Life feels that losing 15 to 20 lbs per month for someone my size is do-able and healthy. That's for someone who has had bypass surgery ,though, so my situation is much different. I still want to lose at that rate, but I'll have to work harder for it. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  343  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I recall that when I was at my heaviest -- around 425 lbs in my 20s -- I would have done anything to get on a TV show about weight loss and have surgery and be famous and all that. Looking back, though, I'm really glad I never had surgery for weight loss. It was never really an option anyhow, but at that point, I wasn't really ready for the commitment and sacrifice. Not only that, but the surgery wa...

🎶 Time keeps on drifting... into the future. 🎶 I have this song in my head for some reason. Today is Day 2 of the current 5-day fast, and I've dropped another pound. This is great! This is what I wanted to see. Now I want to see my weight drop below 342.6 lbs so I can net a loss for this current 30-day "month." I am now 5 days into this new month. I should have had a net loss already! I need to learn to be patient, though. It will happen. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  343.2  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I have asked my husband if we can go bowling on our mutual day off. We will see how he feels on that day, but he said we can. We have our own bowling balls, bags, and shoes. We used to go bowling a lot when my dad was alive. Dad loved bowling. He was wheelchair-bound, so we had to help him use a ramp for bowling, but he had fun aiming his ramp and seeing if he could get it just right to make a strike. ...

Stopped eating. Started losing. That's better. It's a pretty sharp downturn on the graph, too, and that's great. I'm back down 1.6 lbs from yesterday which is the same amount I had gained from the day before yesterday. I wonder if I'm going to create a pyramid and keep losing sharply like this. Only time will tell. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  344.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs My body is so weird. I thought I had started to really understand how it works, and then I get weight changes like this ,and I'm confused again. Maybe it's trying to keep me guessing. My husband thinks that this is definitely caused by stress. I think I have to agree. We expected that our house guest would come, but the key apparently didn't work in the lock. We didn't change the locks or anything, though. Maybe the guest will come tomorrow. We really don't know for sure. Not knowing is certainly a source of stress. At...

Up again. A lot this time. Not happy. I gained 1.6 pounds from yesterday to today. I just keep going over the things I ate to try to understand it. Today I start a new 120-hour fast. I hope that I lose the 3.6 lbs I gained over these two days I was eating and then some. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  346.2  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs The house guest is supposed to come back on Saturday while we are at work. I really am not looking forward to it. I have asked my husband to have a talk with the guest and make sure there is a clear end date for when the guest will be leaving. Last time we didn't have a clear end date, and the guest stayed for about six months. I know that this is going to be a daily struggle to maintain my focus on my diet. I can do it, though. I have been getting a lot of compliments at work lately because people are noticing a change. Clothes are fitting much better and some are even ...