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2018 JUL 14 -- Day 94

Stopped eating. Started losing. That's better. It's a pretty sharp downturn on the graph, too, and that's great. I'm back down 1.6 lbs from yesterday which is the same amount I had gained from the day before yesterday. I wonder if I'm going to create a pyramid and keep losing sharply like this. Only time will tell.

Starting weight: 401 lbs
Current weight: 344.6 lbs 
Long-term Goal: 145 lbs
Short-term Goal: 325 lbs

My body is so weird. I thought I had started to really understand how it works, and then I get weight changes like this ,and I'm confused again. Maybe it's trying to keep me guessing. My husband thinks that this is definitely caused by stress. I think I have to agree. We expected that our house guest would come, but the key apparently didn't work in the lock. We didn't change the locks or anything, though. Maybe the guest will come tomorrow. We really don't know for sure. Not knowing is certainly a source of stress.

At work, my husband and I had our progress reviews on the same day this week. Mine was great, but he got a bit of discouraging news. That is also a stressor on me because he gets really upset and talks about quitting. I don't really handle that very well because I'm not sure how to handle it. He doesn't understand how much stress that puts on me. If he were to quit his job, we lose an entire income. We can't lose that.

But still I am maintaining the laser focus on my diet as I promised myself I would. It's getting harder and harder, though. Not eating -- fasting -- is so much easier than preparing meals, but I still have to prepare meals daily for my husband. It would be much easier on me if I didn't have to do that. I plan the meals, prepare the meals, clean up after the meals, and all I want to do is nothing for a while. I just want to relax when I get home, but I can't. I feel bad that I feel this way about it, though.

Having a husband -- in my opinion -- is a privilege. I think that I feel this way because I never thought I'd have love due to my size. I have been told so often by family how big I am and I have been made to feel ugly and worthless. I know I'm not ugly or worthless, but there is still this little voice in the back of my head that constantly tries to convince me otherwise. 

Having a husband who loves and supports me is a privilege graph:


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