Skip to main content

2018 JUL 9 -- Day 89

I am up a bit today over yesterday. I was expecting it as I have been trying to get more water into me to make sure I don't dehydrate myself. I hope I drop a bit again tomorrow, though. I still feel a bit icky. It's not quite as bad today as it was yesterday.

Starting weight: 415 lbs
Current weight: 344.2 lbs ⇧ 
Long-term Goal: 145 lbs
Short-term Goal: 325 lbs

 I have been watching more episodes of Fat Doctor and My 600 Pound Life, and it makes me wonder whether I have a food addiction. I don't think that I do. Or I wonder whether I am emotionally connected to food. Again, I don't think I am, but I am not so sure. I hear the stories from these people, and some it sounds familiar. Then I see how they eat, how much they eat, what they choose to eat, and I'm, like, "oh, no. That's definitely not me. I don't relate."

What I relate to is hiding to eat my food. I'll let my husband see me eat, but letting others see me eat makes me feel very uncomfortable. It feels like I'm being judged. This is especially true when I make choices that are less than healthy.

I used to enjoy eating a burger from a nearby local burger stand. I wouldn't do this often or every day, but when I did, I wouldn't want anyone to see me order it or eat it. It makes me feel like a circus freak when others watch what I'm eating. I feel that they must be thinking that I have no right to eat unhealthy food at my size. It's what I would think about someone my size if I saw them eating that. I'm probably just projecting. I feel like an awful human.

I'm getting a bit better about this now, though. I'm not so embarrassed now to allow others to see me eat something. I know that I'm working on losing this weight, and if I get any guff, I'm simply not going to care. I have made the decision not to care. It will hopefully help me feel a bit more free.

Another thing I can somewhat relate to is that I gained my weight back because "life happened." One person in the show actually said that, and the therapist said that it is emotional eating. I guess I am a bit of an emotional eater, then. I don't know. I don't feel like I need to eat when I am under great stress, so I really don't know for sure.

Not caring what others think is freeing graph:


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2017 OCT 25 -- Day 67

I don't have much to say today. I thought I had beaten the plateau, but it is still going strong. I'm the same weight today as I was yesterday. This is not fun, but now I sound like a bit of a broken record. I'm not going to say much today, so I'll share a recipe. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight: 378.2 lbs Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  359 lbs Japanese-style Ginger Salad Dressing This goes well as a coleslaw dressing. I've used it with a mix of classic cabbage slaw and Asian-style broccoli slaw. 1-1/2 C chopped yellow onion 1 C peanut oil 1/2 C rice wine vinegar 1/2 C water 3 tsp fresh ginger root, minced or grated 3-1/2 tsp fresh garlic, minced or grated 1 tsp salt 1 tsp pepper 4 tbsp lemon juice 4 tsp sugar 4 tsp soy sauce 4 tsp ground mustard 4 tsp sesame seeds Place all ingredients except sesame seeds into a small food processor and pulse for 1 minute, or until desired consistency.  Stir in sesame seeds. Too...
Post a Comment
Read more

2018 JUN 15 -- Day 65

The weight is coming down. I'm down by 1.4 lbs today from where I was yesterday. It still doesn't make up for the 9 lbs in total that I gained from just one weekend of eating, but it is going to take some time to get that back off. I really want it to come off as quickly as it came on, but we all know that will probably not happen. If I want something, that's the surest way to make sure it doesn't happen! LOL Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  356.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I have been watching videos on YouTube about how people are shedding their pounds, and it is all very counter-intuitive to what I have learned from Doctors Fung and Berg. But it appears to have worked for these YouTubers, so who am I to judge or criticize what they have chosen to do? A lot of it is a variation on either the eat less; move more (ELMM) theory, or the calories in, calories out  (CICO) theory. I hope for their sak...
Post a Comment
Read more

2017 AUG 30 -- Day 11

I weighed myself before work again tonight. I like these lower numbers. I'm pretty sure this is due to not eating during sleep for at least 6 hours. Whatever the case, I'll take it! Yay! Low number! Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  406.4 lbs  ⇩  Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  399 lbs I'm at work. It's 10:30 PM. I've been feeling the hungry growly monster in my tummy, but I've been ignoring him... until now. I'm eating my sandwich. According to the book, you are only supposed to feel hungry when you're body is below its set-point. Is my set point higher than 406.4 lbs? Wow! I need to find out how to lower that a lot faster. How can I make it 145 lbs? LOL. I know the answer to this. It gradually becomes lower over time; I must be patient. The trend is still downward on the whole, but right now it is still well above the first measurement I took at 404.8 the day I got my scale. It's going down, and I saw 406.4 lbs today ...
Post a Comment
Read more