2018 JUL 21 -- Day 101

I have finally seen 340 lbs on the scale. The scale showed me 340.6 lbs today. I'm above 340 lbs, but it's close enough. I'll take it! I'm so close to seeing my number drop into the 330s, and that would be amazing. I'm also very close to getting to my next goal of 325 lbs, I can almost reach out and touch it! Then it's picture time! I haven't taken any pictures because I want to be surprised by any changes that may be evident when I get to 325 lbs. I can't wait.

Starting weight: 401 lbs
Current weight: 340.6 lbs ⇩
Long-term Goal: 145 lbs
Short-term Goal: 325 lbs

I am at work with my husband, and he always make me feel so loved. When I stress out about things, he is there to rub my shoulders a bit as he walks by or just reach out to touch me to let me know he is thinking of me and there to support me. This is the most wonderful man, and I can't believe how lucky I was to meet him and get to spend my life with him.

To hear me tell it, I stalked him until he gave in an married me. He knows it was basically all my doing. He's okay with that. It made him feel wanted, and that's what he needed. I feel loved and respected, and I also feel supported. It's a win for the both of us, really. And the most important thing for me was to simply feel like a person -- like a human.

I had never really felt like a human. I have always felt out of place as if I didn't belong. When I felt like I was wanted, it was usually in the service of someone else -- like a family member. I was my mom's caregiver, then my dad's. When my sister needed me, I would watch her kids, pick up her kids, chauffeur her kids, and tutor her kids. I was never a person in my own right. My husband allows me to feel like a person.

I feel like an actual human person graph:

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2018 AUG 2 -- Day 113

My weight is down to 340.6 lbs again today, but that's what it has been every other day for the past 5 days. This is not encouraging. I like that it's gone down instead of up, but it's still not as far down as I'd hoped. I'm not feeling great about my progress at the moment. I'm beginning to doubt I can succeed with my ultimate weight loss goal at all. Am I losing inches, maybe? I don't know. I don't feel like I have, but I'm too afraid to measure myself. What if I haven't lost inches or if I have gained inches? I would be so discouraged! Starting weight: 401 lbs Current weight: 340.6 lbs ⇩ Long-term Goal: 145 lbs Short-term Goal: 325 lbs My blood glucose readings were in the 120s when I first started measuring, but now they are staying in the 150 to 160 range. Every now and then they get into the 190s or 200s. That's fairly frightening. Why is my blood glucose so high? I read that there is possibly glucose in my fat cells th...

2018 JUL 28 -- Day 108

I have lost a little bit of weight from yesterday to today, but I'm still not too happy. I am about three pounds heavier than where I should be right now. I know it's because food inevitably causes weight gain, and breaking my fast two days a week will invariably make my weight bounce back a bit. While I have to accept it, I don't have to like it. Starting weight: 401 lbs Current weight: 339 lbs ⇩ Long-term Goal: 145 lbs Short-term Goal: 325 lbs I was feeling a bit yuck from a combination of my fight with the porcelain fairy and the stress I've been under. I decided that eating would be a good idea today, so I had a salad with a nice, fat-infused Italian dressing I had made and some feta cheese and a few cherry tomatoes. It was really tasty. I also ate about an ounce or two of pork rinds. You'd be surprised at how many rinds are in a single ounce. They are a bit difficult to weight, though. I had quite a handful of them. Likely, it was two h...

2018 JUL 30 -- Day 110

I gained 3 lbs. I hate that I gained 3 lbs. I made the decision to change my eating regime and start eating when I feel hungry. I ate with my husband when we got home from work yesterday. We had taco salads. It was good, but I am now 3 lbs heavier than I was yesterday. This doesn't make me feel good. Starting weight: 415 lbs Current weight: 341 lbs ⇧ Long-term Goal: 145 lbs Short-term Goal: 325 lbs I had about the same amount of actual salad that he had, but while he had an Italian Romaine blend of lettuce, I had a spring mix with baby spinach. I also drank almost my entire 7-cup bottle of water -- maybe 5 cups of it. I know that fiber retains water, so I'm hoping that when I eliminate the salad as waste, I will lose this 3 lbs and then some. We shall see and only time will tell. I feel good, though. I feel better than I have in several days. That's telling. Have I been severely dehydrated, maybe? I don't know. Have I been missing out ...

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