Empyrean Engine

I am so happy today! I dropped a huge amount of weight! I expected a pound or so. But I dropped down to 351 lbs today! Yesterday, I was at 354.2 lbs! That is 3.2 lbs! That is a "whoosh" if ever I saw one! I am only 2 lbs away from getting back down to 349 lbs. I can't believe it! I can't wait to get home and see if the weight loss sticks this time. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  351  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs The net loss for this "month" is only 0.2 lbs, but it's a loss! It's not a gain! For the mere fact that it is a loss and not a gain, I am overjoyed. Again, I am over the moon just like that infamous cow! I really can't wait to get down to a normal weight, but I'll accept being under 300 lbs. That will be nice. I can't wait to see myself at 299 lbs and below. I wonder how different I will look. I got on the scale and saw 351 lbs, and I was thrilled, but I don't feel as though I...

Woo! Down, down, down goes the weight. This is a thing that is currently happening in my life. And this is after I basically pigged-out for the past two days. I probably didn't pig-out, but I really feel like I ate a lot. The point, though, is that I lost 1.4 lbs. That's quite a bit. I'm over the moon! I guess I am a bit like the cow in the nursery rhyme. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  354.2  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I made myself the most delicious omelet. I sauteed some onions in butter, and then I added black olives and broccoli into that. I whisked four eggs and poured that over the olives, broccoli and onions. Then when the eggs cooked through, I spread out four Havarti cheese slices over the whole thing, and then folded in half onto a plate like a proper omelette. I topped it with one more slice of Havarti. I ate that whole thing and some bullet proof coffee. It was so good! Later on, I ate one mo...

A plateau is far better than weight gain on eating days! Woo! I am celebrating this as a victory and a further sign that my body is back on track and losing weight again! I feel like I'm really puffy, but I'm not that puffy. I have been much puffier. This does clearly show that there was something that kicked me completely out of ketosis, though. I still have no idea what it was. That's fine. I can deal with the setback. I have full confidence that things have turned around for me now, and I will be seeing the downward trend on my graphs again. It already looks like it is going generally downward even with this plateau from yesterday to today. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  355.6 lbs Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs Sometimes I struggle with what to write about in this blog. I should be documenting how I feel and what my experiences are, but I also want to give my thoughts on the various topics I am concerned about and that affe...

A slight bump up today in my weight, but I ain't mad about it. It's essentially only a few ounces. What's a few ounces among friends? I ate today. As of 8:00 AM this morning, my 120-hour fast was over. I am actually pleasantly surprised that I did not gain more, especially with what has been happening to me the past couple of weeks. This leads me further down the path of thinking the corned beef -- or perhaps drinking the broth in which it was cooked -- knocked me out of ketosis. I wish I had a meter to check blood ketones. That would help me out a lot. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  355.6  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I did not adhere to the olives and pickles only diet. That was a bit ridiculous. But I was very strict about carb-counting and restriction. It worked out well for me, apparently. I gained only a few ounces, but I'm sure those will be gone soon through elimination. So what did I eat? ...

I weigh less today than yesterday! This is the third day in a row that I have been able to lose weight instead of gain it. I'm so happy! Sure. It's not much, but it's something, and it's in the right direction. I'll take it! I am getting back on track to meet my goal. That's all that is important here. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  355.4  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs The next thing I'd like to see is my weight back down to 349 lbs. Then I would like to drop below that number. That would be amazing! I can't wait to be in the 340s, then the 330s, then the 320s, 310s, 300s... and, dare I dream it, under 300 lbs? I know this is attainable. I know it is. I want to see myself at 299 lbs or less. What is a better word than amazing? That's what it would be. It would be a feeling for which there is no appropriate word. I can't wait to get there. Time. Time is what it will take. I hate time. The effort ...

I am happier today. My weight is down to 356 lbs. It's not 349 lbs, but it's better progress than I have been seeing for this past couple of weeks since the corned beef incident. This is what I'm calling it now. "The Corned Beef Incident." The only thing that I can fathom is that there were some kind of hidden sugars or carbs in the corned beef that I had no clue were there. I got kicked out of ketosis. And I am now working my way back to where I was. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  356  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs There had to be some kind of carbohydrates for my body to have retained so much water and then gained weight. I should stop talking about this now, but it's so present in my mind. I'm upset about it. I don't want to be, but it's very upsetting and stressful.  I noticed once that I was tossed out of ketosis by taking in too many artificial sweeteners. I blew up from the water retentio...

I weight less today than I did yesterday, and that, my friend, is progress! It's not much, but it's some. I'll take what I can get. I need to see 349 lbs show up on my scale again. That number was so encouraging. I'm wondering if there was somehow some hidden carbohydrates in the corned beef of which I was previously unaware. Did they use sugar to make it? I don't know. I didn't see that on the label, but there wasn't much on the label showing what was in the recipe, either. So I really can't say for certain was in it. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  357.4  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs This is really the only thing I can come up with. Also, I discussed the possibility of only eating pickles and olives with my husband, and he's on board. He basically told me I can do whatever I want. He won't say "boo" about it. I know that he cares about me and he worries about me, but I am fairly confiden...

And I am back down again. Phew! This is a roller coaster, for sure! Look at that graph at the bottom of this post. Wouldn't that make for an exciting ride at an amusement park? I think it would. At the moment, my weight has gone back up by 6.6 lbs at the end of the last 30-day period, and I'm nearly 15 days into this month. It's half over! At this point, I have no hope of getting 10 lbs down this month. I'm sad about that. I'm hoping I end the month with a net loss, though. At this point, it is a net gain. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  357.8  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs 1.6 lbs down over yesterday. I'll take what I can get. I am hoping it drops lower tomorrow, but I know where hope gets me. Nowhere. At an expected average loss of about a half-a-pound per day, i was hoping to be around 335 lbs by the end of this month. I was supposed to be around 344 lbs today, but here we are. I'm 13 lbs above that number. ...

My weight is up again! What is this?! Okay. My outrage is over. But, OMG! Work tonight was amazingly hard! We had an issue that caused the call and chat queues to blow up with people trying to contact us, but we had literally three people with the ability to handle the volume. I worked straight through a 10-hour shift without any breaks. I didn't even get to drink my tea! Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  359.4  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs My weight was already up before I came to work, and that had me stressed enough. After work, my shoulders were no longer shoulders; they were the manifestation of stress and tension. I lived to tell the tale, though. But I am just holding out hope that my rise in cortisol (which I'm sure I could not avoid) didn't cause me to gain 10 lbs over night! This will not break me. Even if I gain a bunch from this, I am determined to continue this lifestyle. I have lost so much...

I am down a bit today from yesterday. About 1.4 lbs down, to be more precise. That's hopeful. I'm still upset that I was once at 349 lbs, and now I am back up so high again. I really want to get back to where I was. I think I will never again eat corned beef. That's the only thing I can imagine did this to me. But what about it did this? Did it somehow kick me out of ketosis? I don't know. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  358.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I'm afraid to hope for another loss tomorrow, and I still can't fathom how my weight jumped up so high. I'm watching videos along the vein of "fat-acceptance fail complications" in which someone adds color commentary detailing how fat-acceptance is stupid adn makes little sense. It's harsh, but it is motivating me, oddly enough. I think it's because even though the women in the videos accept themselves and are attempting to take fat-acceptan...

I am feeling angry, stressed, emotional, and, discouraged, you name it. I am 360 lbs today. I was at 349 lbs not too long ago. That is an 11-pound gain. How am I gaining weight right now? What is causing it, and how can I stop it? It seems to be water weight, but if it is, why isn't it going away when I fast? That's usually what happened. I fast, and then I drop water almost immediately. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  360  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs How is it possible to eat strictly keto and gain weight? How is it possible to severely restrict caloric intake and gain weight? How is it possible to eat nothing and gain weight? What is wrong with my body? Why can't I just be normal? I feel so defeated right now. I am struggling so hard emotionally. But the one thing I don't do when I am struggling is eat, but I bet I will still gain more weight anyhow. I really feel as though I am fighting a losing ba...

My current 120-hour fast end tomorrow around 7:00 AM, but I have my physical tomorrow morning at 8:15 AM, so I will push my fast until then at least. I'm still not sure whether I want to pus this fast longer or eat something. I'm really unhappy with the fact that I cannot seem to lose weight right now. I'm in some sort of plateau. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  357.4 lbs Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I haven't gained since yesterday which is better than gaining, but it's difficulty being 357.4 lbs today when I know I was once at 349 lbs, and that was not too long ago. I should have lost weight this week, but I didn't. My graph is making me feel very defeated at this point. I am watching fat acceptance videos, and somehow they are motivating me to continue. I am happy that those people are happy with how they are and how they look, but I'm not happy with how I am and how I look. I want to be thin. I cannot accept this...

I am so fat! Ugh! I told my husband that, and he said, 'you're not fat." It's sweet, but it's not entirely accurate. I mean, I am definitely fat. I know he doesn't know how to respond in a situation like that. It's endearing. So I mentioned that it wasn't accurate, but I let him know I appreciated it. He told me that I wasn't as fat as the day we got married, and then he wasn't sure if he put his foot in his mouth or not. I will take it as the compliment he meant it to be. I'm glad I've reduced in size even if I am struggling to lose more right now. Poor guy! I must make things so hard on him. LOL Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  357.4  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I'm up again by over a pound. I really don't know what's happening here. I'm just going to keep going with what I have been doing. Maybe I have gained some muscle. Maybe it's water weight. My feet have b...

I weigh the same today as I did yesterday. This is making me a little bit sad now. It's a bit of a plateau. I'm considering extending this current 5-day fast and go as long as I possibly can go to see if it will help me lose more and faster in the long run. I'm feeling fat. I know I am fat, that's not the point. While the weight lost was going well, I didn't feel as fat. But when the weight loss slows, I feel a bit fatter. I can't really explain it all that well. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight: 355.6 lbs Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I really hope I can see the weight go down a bit more tomorrow rather than stay the same or go up. But if wished were horses, beggars would ride, right? That's a saying, right? I was feeling a bit blah when I got to work tonight. I think it has a lot to do with the amount of work I did. I had to go grocery shopping, and then I had to do a lot of cleaning, and then I had to do a lot of food...

My weight is not coming down as quickly as I'd hoped. I did the math. I had lost 5.2 lbs over the last 5-day fast, and then I regained 9 lbs. That's a net gain of almost 4 lbs. I feel really bloated, and my belly is a bit large, so I don't think this is real weight gain. It's going to go away, I just don't know when. And I don't know how to force it back down so I can see 349 lbs on the scale again. If I could, I wouldn't be this big, though; right? Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  355.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I haven't really been supplementing with the potassium and salt like I was doing at the start of this journey of extended fasting. From all of the information I've gleaned, for a fast that only lasts a week or less, I shouldn't need to supplement. And, also, if I simply consume these by mouth in water they would mainly just pass right through me anyhow. I am likely not getting too much b...

The weight is coming down. I'm down by 1.4 lbs today from where I was yesterday. It still doesn't make up for the 9 lbs in total that I gained from just one weekend of eating, but it is going to take some time to get that back off. I really want it to come off as quickly as it came on, but we all know that will probably not happen. If I want something, that's the surest way to make sure it doesn't happen! LOL Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  356.6  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I have been watching videos on YouTube about how people are shedding their pounds, and it is all very counter-intuitive to what I have learned from Doctors Fung and Berg. But it appears to have worked for these YouTubers, so who am I to judge or criticize what they have chosen to do? A lot of it is a variation on either the eat less; move more (ELMM) theory, or the calories in, calories out  (CICO) theory. I hope for their sak...

I am going in the wrong direction. I am now up by 9 lbs from the lowest point. I knew I would gain weight with eating, but I didn't expect 9 pounds! Like, what? This is insane. I know that most of this has to be water. There's no way it isn't. I can't lose more than a half a pound of fat or muscle per day, and I certainly can't gain 9 lbs of fat or muscle in two days. It's just not possible. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  358  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs If CICO (calories in, calories out) means anything at all (and we all pretty much know that CICO is BS), I know I have not eaten 31,500 calories over my metabolic consumption in just these past 2 days. I may have eaten 3,500 in total over these two days. That's well below what my body would consume while at rest. Water weighs a lot, and this has to be water weight. But, again, my feet don't show any signs of retention. I wonder where it could be. It'...

I am unhappy. I ate delicious food today, and I'm not unhappy about that. What I am unhappy about is the fact that my weight jumped up by 4.4 lbs in just one day. According to the calories in, calories out (CICO) theory, I would have had to consume somewhere in the vicinity of 15,400 calories over my metabolic rate of caloric consumption to gain 4.4 lbs. That's simply not possible. I'm guessing this is water weight, although my feet are as svelte as ever. The water retention must be elsewhere in my body. Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  354.2  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I feel warmer now that I have been eating. That's a bit of a plus. Fasting makes me feel really cold, and I know that I am not alone in that. I see this in the forums all the time. But almost as soon as I ate, I felt warmer. I really enjoyed the corned beef, and even though it started out over 2 lbs uncooked, by the time it was all co...

I am going to eat well tomorrow. I bought a corned beef brisket, and I plan to cook it in the Instant Pot pressure cooker. My fast ends at 11:00 AM tomorrow morning, so there is plenty of time to cook it. It will probably take about an hour, I think. I'm not certain. I've done it before, but I can't remember how long it took. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  349  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs Also, I lost more than a pound since yesterday, so I'm thrilled about that! I'm under 350 lbs! I can't believe it. I never thought I would see it happen, but I'm here, and I keep losing. I love that I finally found something that definitely works for me, is sustainable for the long term, and will give me all the health benefits I really need! So for my re-feed, I plan to take it a bit slow so I don't get too sick to my stomach. I've been doing pretty well with that thus far. My 5-day fasts have been really successf...

I had some pretty extreme anger yesterday while I was trying to make my husband's meal. I can't explain it. It was completely irrational, and I knew I was being irrational, but I couldn't calm down. Everything was making me annoyed and angry. I was trying to mix something, and I spilled a bit, and it made me angry. I was try to open a bag of salad greens, and it wouldn't open, and it made me angry. I really don't know what happened. And my poor husband was an innocent victim in all of this. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  350.8  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I lost about a half a pound. The joy of losing half a pound doesn't detract from the shame and sadness I feel from the anger I displayed for no reason yesterday. This past week at work has been the most stressful ever, it seems. Just every customer I have had the pleasure to speak with has been an absolute jerk. I don't get it. Is there something in the air...

I feel a bit blah today. I'm not certain why that is. I should be feeling good, up, chipper. I am losing weight. I feel good on my fast. I'm 57 hours in to another 120-hour fast, and I have been supplementing with minimal electrolytes and trying to get in a bit more water. I just feel a bit bummed. Maybe I am feeling a bit burnt out by the recent rash of bad customers I have had to deal with at work. Maybe my high blood glucose readings have me feeling a bit defeated. I really don't know what it is. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  351.2  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs My weight is down again as expected. It's not as much as I'd have liked ot see, but I think I am on the right track with hydration this time, so this is enough. This is a good rate of loss. While the lowest I have seen has been 351 lbs a few days back, I think I'm doing well for now at 351.2 lbs today. I believe the 351 lbs was due to some dehydrat...

My dreaded physical is coming up. I don't want to do it. I really hate doctors, but I know that it's super important to be under the care of a physician. This is especially true now that I have completely changed my diet and lifestyle. I want to lose weight as quickly as possible, but I also want to make sure I do it in a healthy way. Starting weight:  401 lbs Current weight:  352.4  lbs   ⇩ Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs I am fasting today. My weight is down from yesterday which is great and also a bit expected. It is down quite a bit, though -- about 1.8 lbs. That has to be water for the most part. The most I can expect to lose is half-a-pound-a-day of fat through healthy eating (or not eating as the case may be). I am concerned that I may be dehydrated, but I'm not too concerned. My real worry is that the doctor will want to put me on drugs for diabetes control. I really don't want to take medications if I can avoid it. I kno...

Yep! Just as expected, my weight has gone into the rafters again. I am at 354.2 lbs again today. Overall, my loss for the month is still averaging about a half-a-pound-a-day, so I'm not mad. I'm curious to see what happens in the morning, though. I think I may have a hydration issue. I haven't been drinking a lot of water. I may need to start doing that. I'm just so afraid of depleting my electrolytes. I am still not confident I have the mix of electrolytes correct. I keep hearing different things from different sources. No one seems to agree on this. It seems like a simple question to me: how much of what do I need? Starting weight:  415 lbs Current weight:  354.2  lbs  ⇧   Long-term Goal:  145 lbs Short-term Goal:  325 lbs My blood glucose was alarmingly high today, too. It was in the 170s. I just don't get it. I know I haven't been consuming carbohydrates in excess. I know I have been getting enough fats to cover my protein consumption, and I...