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2018 JUN 17 -- Day 67

I weigh the same today as I did yesterday. This is making me a little bit sad now. It's a bit of a plateau. I'm considering extending this current 5-day fast and go as long as I possibly can go to see if it will help me lose more and faster in the long run. I'm feeling fat. I know I am fat, that's not the point. While the weight lost was going well, I didn't feel as fat. But when the weight loss slows, I feel a bit fatter. I can't really explain it all that well.

Starting weight: 401 lbs
Current weight: 355.6 lbs
Long-term Goal: 145 lbs
Short-term Goal: 325 lbs

 I really hope I can see the weight go down a bit more tomorrow rather than stay the same or go up. But if wished were horses, beggars would ride, right? That's a saying, right?

I was feeling a bit blah when I got to work tonight. I think it has a lot to do with the amount of work I did. I had to go grocery shopping, and then I had to do a lot of cleaning, and then I had to do a lot of food preparation for my husband. I got sleep, but it was fitful because I knew I would have to do more work as soon as I woke up. And I certainly did that.

I woke up at 3: 00 PM. I worked on food prep until we had to leave for work at 7:00 PM. And then, of course, I had to work my shift. So I was feeling the unfairness of it all and wondering when I might be able to stop working and simply do nothing. If I don't eat, why am I having to do all this cleaning and cooking? When do I get to just relax and do nothing at all for a while?

I feel unhappy about how unfair it is that I have to do all this work, but then I also feel bad for feeling unhappy about it. I know I chose this. I also know that I choose to stress over all the work I have to do so that I make sure that I actually do it and not let it go. I could just let it go, but then I stress and worry over it not being done. And in my mind, I think that if I don't do it, it will not be done. And I know that if I don't do it, it won't be done, so I stress about the fact that I'm not working when I'm not working. Ugh! LOL

I hate my brain graph:


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