My current 120-hour fast end tomorrow around 7:00 AM, but I have my physical tomorrow morning at 8:15 AM, so I will push my fast until then at least. I'm still not sure whether I want to pus this fast longer or eat something. I'm really unhappy with the fact that I cannot seem to lose weight right now. I'm in some sort of plateau.
Starting weight: 401 lbs
Current weight: 357.4 lbs
Long-term Goal: 145 lbs
Short-term Goal: 325 lbs
I haven't gained since yesterday which is better than gaining, but it's difficulty being 357.4 lbs today when I know I was once at 349 lbs, and that was not too long ago. I should have lost weight this week, but I didn't. My graph is making me feel very defeated at this point.
I am watching fat acceptance videos, and somehow they are motivating me to continue. I am happy that those people are happy with how they are and how they look, but I'm not happy with how I am and how I look. I want to be thin. I cannot accept this, and I will not accept this. I don't want this to be me anymore. It's hard, but I'm really, really determined. And seeing how others have simply given up and accepted being obese really makes me more determined to not simply accept my fate. I'm not sure why that is.
I have a long list of tests that I have to ask the doctor to run, and i am also hoping that the doctor will be helpful with my plan to control my weight and blood glucose with diet rather than medication. I have looked into Metformin to see what it does to the body, and how it works, but I'm just so fearful of medications and side effects.
I recall trying Metformin once before, and it made me feel really weird. I couldn't stand it. But one of Dr. Fung's associates has used it for the treatment of PCOS and infertility, and apparently it worked fairly well. I don't know about it, though. I'm going to see what the doctor says about my blood glucose results from the appointment tomorrow.
I just watched a documentary about a man who did a water fast for 55 days, and it was quite inspiring, but there were discussions about how he lost sight of his dream of a musical career, and I started remembering how much I used to love to sing. I have never been thinner like he had been, but the change in my life that stopped me from singing was the death of my mother. She and I used to sing together. After she passed, I stopped singing.
But aside from that, I also recall a "friend" I had -- that I also used to date off and on -- that would discourage me from being out in the public eye. I had a plan to try out for American Idol, and he told me, "people will see you." As in, "you're so fat and ugly, you should probably avoid being seen by others." And I had a boyfriend who I thought was more accepting of how I looked that also discouraged me from entering a local singing competition because he didn't want anyone to make fun of me.
And still, it wasn't my weight that prevented me from trying harder to showcase my talent. In the end the only thing that really stopped me was emotional loss. I simply lost the desire to sing. I'm getting back to my old self as I lose weight, and I feel more like singing these days. That's great. I'm not going to try to pursue a career or anything, but I may start singing for enjoyment again.
I am not losing weight, but I'm not discouraged enough to give up graph:
Starting weight: 401 lbs
Current weight: 357.4 lbs
Long-term Goal: 145 lbs
Short-term Goal: 325 lbs
I haven't gained since yesterday which is better than gaining, but it's difficulty being 357.4 lbs today when I know I was once at 349 lbs, and that was not too long ago. I should have lost weight this week, but I didn't. My graph is making me feel very defeated at this point.
I am watching fat acceptance videos, and somehow they are motivating me to continue. I am happy that those people are happy with how they are and how they look, but I'm not happy with how I am and how I look. I want to be thin. I cannot accept this, and I will not accept this. I don't want this to be me anymore. It's hard, but I'm really, really determined. And seeing how others have simply given up and accepted being obese really makes me more determined to not simply accept my fate. I'm not sure why that is.
I have a long list of tests that I have to ask the doctor to run, and i am also hoping that the doctor will be helpful with my plan to control my weight and blood glucose with diet rather than medication. I have looked into Metformin to see what it does to the body, and how it works, but I'm just so fearful of medications and side effects.
I just watched a documentary about a man who did a water fast for 55 days, and it was quite inspiring, but there were discussions about how he lost sight of his dream of a musical career, and I started remembering how much I used to love to sing. I have never been thinner like he had been, but the change in my life that stopped me from singing was the death of my mother. She and I used to sing together. After she passed, I stopped singing.
But aside from that, I also recall a "friend" I had -- that I also used to date off and on -- that would discourage me from being out in the public eye. I had a plan to try out for American Idol, and he told me, "people will see you." As in, "you're so fat and ugly, you should probably avoid being seen by others." And I had a boyfriend who I thought was more accepting of how I looked that also discouraged me from entering a local singing competition because he didn't want anyone to make fun of me.
And still, it wasn't my weight that prevented me from trying harder to showcase my talent. In the end the only thing that really stopped me was emotional loss. I simply lost the desire to sing. I'm getting back to my old self as I lose weight, and I feel more like singing these days. That's great. I'm not going to try to pursue a career or anything, but I may start singing for enjoyment again.
I am not losing weight, but I'm not discouraged enough to give up graph:
Comments
Post a Comment