I had some pretty extreme anger yesterday while I was trying to make my husband's meal. I can't explain it. It was completely irrational, and I knew I was being irrational, but I couldn't calm down. Everything was making me annoyed and angry. I was trying to mix something, and I spilled a bit, and it made me angry. I was try to open a bag of salad greens, and it wouldn't open, and it made me angry. I really don't know what happened. And my poor husband was an innocent victim in all of this.
Starting weight: 401 lbs
Current weight: 350.8 lbs ⇩
Long-term Goal: 145 lbs
Short-term Goal: 325 lbs
I lost about a half a pound. The joy of losing half a pound doesn't detract from the shame and sadness I feel from the anger I displayed for no reason yesterday. This past week at work has been the most stressful ever, it seems. Just every customer I have had the pleasure to speak with has been an absolute jerk. I don't get it. Is there something in the air? For no reason at all I have been called names and cursed at over the smallest things. I try to help, and I'm meek and mild-mannered, and I get harangued and abused. The fact that I had to hold in my actual emotions the whole time may have been a contributing factor to my rage and aggression.
The worst part is that it wasn't even as if I had blacked out or saw red or forget my faculties at all. I was in full control, and it seemed like a choice almost. Like, I could have simply stopped raging at any point. But I didn't. I just didn't. I really hope that never happens again. I am in control. I should be able to stop myself from acting this way.
It seemed to me that the trigger was seeing the pile of dishes in the sink and thinking about how incredible unfair it was. I work as hard as my husband. We do the same job. In fact, sometimes I think I may work harder just because I am a supervisor. I am more of a Type-A personality than he is. He hardly even wants to be there and he does the bare minimum to get by. He fully admits that.
We get home from work, and I immediately get to work being a wife. I have to prepare the food he eats. I have to clean up after the food prep. I also have to serve the food and clean up once he is done. And what is he doing? Playing video games, reading, watching a show... I know that this is what I signed on for, but sometimes it just feels like too much. I feel as though I don't get to rest and relax. I am not eating, but I have so much cooking and cleaning to do. I wish that I could just come home and go to bed, wake up and go back to work, lather, rinse, and repeat as desired. I can't do that. I have responsibilities.
I would love to have the luxury of stopping once in a while graph:
Starting weight: 401 lbs
Current weight: 350.8 lbs ⇩
Long-term Goal: 145 lbs
Short-term Goal: 325 lbs
I lost about a half a pound. The joy of losing half a pound doesn't detract from the shame and sadness I feel from the anger I displayed for no reason yesterday. This past week at work has been the most stressful ever, it seems. Just every customer I have had the pleasure to speak with has been an absolute jerk. I don't get it. Is there something in the air? For no reason at all I have been called names and cursed at over the smallest things. I try to help, and I'm meek and mild-mannered, and I get harangued and abused. The fact that I had to hold in my actual emotions the whole time may have been a contributing factor to my rage and aggression.
The worst part is that it wasn't even as if I had blacked out or saw red or forget my faculties at all. I was in full control, and it seemed like a choice almost. Like, I could have simply stopped raging at any point. But I didn't. I just didn't. I really hope that never happens again. I am in control. I should be able to stop myself from acting this way.
It seemed to me that the trigger was seeing the pile of dishes in the sink and thinking about how incredible unfair it was. I work as hard as my husband. We do the same job. In fact, sometimes I think I may work harder just because I am a supervisor. I am more of a Type-A personality than he is. He hardly even wants to be there and he does the bare minimum to get by. He fully admits that.We get home from work, and I immediately get to work being a wife. I have to prepare the food he eats. I have to clean up after the food prep. I also have to serve the food and clean up once he is done. And what is he doing? Playing video games, reading, watching a show... I know that this is what I signed on for, but sometimes it just feels like too much. I feel as though I don't get to rest and relax. I am not eating, but I have so much cooking and cleaning to do. I wish that I could just come home and go to bed, wake up and go back to work, lather, rinse, and repeat as desired. I can't do that. I have responsibilities.
I would love to have the luxury of stopping once in a while graph:
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